Today we’re taking a deeper look at male fertility: a topic that’s often overlooked, even though it plays a role in half of all infertility cases. I’m joined by David Ireland, founder of Fertility4Men, who brings his personal journey and expertise to our conversation. David created his platform after navigating unexplained infertility himself, and he’s passionate about providing men with the information, support, and community they need.
In our interview, we explore the emotional and practical challenges men face on the fertility journey. We discuss the stigma around male factor infertility, the importance of early testing, and how couples can support each other through the process. David shares insights from his own experience, as well as actionable steps men can take to improve their reproductive health and be active partners in the journey to parenthood.
In this episode, we cover:
- Why male fertility is often overlooked and why it matters
- David’s personal story and the creation of Fertility4Men
- The emotional impact of infertility on men and couples
- The importance of early and comprehensive testing for men
- Common myths and misunderstandings about male fertility
- How couples can support each other through fertility challenges
- Practical steps and resources, including the Five Day Fertility Kickstart Challenge
Resources:
- Fertility4Men (Fertility4Men.com)
- Five Day Fertility Kickstart Challenge
- Follow me on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook: @EggWhisperer
- Listen to The Egg Whisperer Show on Apple Podcasts and Spotify
Dr. Aimee: Today on The Egg Whisperer Show, we’re returning to a topic that we know matters, male fertility. Half of all infertility cases involve male factor, and it’s still not covered enough. The title of today’s show is A Deeper Look at Male Fertility: What Men and Women Need to Know with guest David Ireland.
Often, women are the ones undergoing testing and treatment while male fertility is delayed and ignored. Sometimes it’s only after months or even years that a couple finds out the issue was never with her. My guest today is David Ireland, the founder of Fertility 4 Men, a platform he created after years of navigating unexplained infertility himself. What he discovered was that there is a gap in medical information, emotional support, and in clear guidance for men. Since then, he’s been on a mission, like me, but to provide men with real tools, science-backed information, and a sense of community. He’s also behind the Five Day Fertility Kickstart Challenge, a free resource designed to help men take daily doable steps to improve their reproductive health.
Welcome, David. Thank you for joining me today.
David Ireland: Thanks, Aimee. Thanks so much for inviting me to the show today.
Dr. Aimee: It’s my pleasure. Your work in male infertility started with a deeply personal journey. Can you share that with us and tell us what finally led you to seek answers?
David Ireland: Sure. My wife and I, our journey started quite a few years ago. We were actually living in Australia at the time, and it would have been around the end of 2015. We decided in our thirties was a great time to try for a family. Why not? We had tried, like most couples do, and for some reason, it was taking longer than we imagined. We thought that after five or six months, it would work, and it didn’t work for us. It was only toward 2016 that we actually went to a clinic in Sydney and did some testing.
Then I found out that I had oligospermia, which is a low sperm count. When he told me, I didn’t think anything of it at the time, to be honest. I was like, “Okay. What does that mean?” He said to me, “Basically, you have about 12,000,000 sperm count, but they’re not particularly swimming very well.” I said, “What does that mean?” He said, “You may understand it as sperm being potentially drunk and they’re not fast enough to flow and fertilize an egg.” I sat there and thought this was a bit odd. Then he started talking about, “If it’s not working, I think you might need to look into IVF.”
We were like, whoa, what’s going on here? It kind of took us by shock, to be honest. We were young, we were in our thirties, we don’t smoke, we drink but very rarely, we used to go to the gym nearly every other day, we ate a great diet, we had a great lifestyle in Australia, so we questioned how this happened. We moved back home to the UK and we continued to try to have a family. Not long after we arrived, we went to quite a few clinics in the UK. We spent quite a lot of money just to get different consultations, long before we actually decided to go for some IVF treatment. We came back all those years ago, Aimee, it was actually quite horrific. More so for my wife, because she was the one who was having to go through all of the procedures of injecting herself with the needles, taking medication, you have strict deadlines in terms of when you take something. We had all our friends around us who have families as well, so we were the only ones left not having a family around us.
So, our journey has been very stressful, I think, for eight years. We spent a lot of money, a lot of time, a lot of resources just to try to find out the answers why. And no one really gave us the answers why. Then we fell into the category of what they call unexplained infertility, which is where we are today.
I’m happy to share more around the story, but I do remember something that I still dread to think about was when the doctor’s first took my wife away on the bed to say, “We’re going to go do the egg collection,” I actually broke down because I didn’t know what to expect, this was all new to me, new to my wife. They say women are stronger than men, and she had the brave face like I’m going for this. Behind closed doors, as soon as she went, that was it, I was crying my eyes out because I couldn’t believe what was happening. Why us?
Today, we do have some healthy embryos. For now, we’ve decided to put everything on hold, but I think we got to a level of comfort as well, to know there’s a reason why it hasn’t worked and we’re one of many couples out there in the world who are also going through their own struggles of trying to conceive.
Dr. Aimee: I’m so glad you’re able to talk about it, despite how hard it was and has been. I’m obviously rooting for you and those embryos so that you guys can be successful and be the parents you want to be.
David Ireland: Thank you so much.
Dr. Aimee: Thank you for coming on and sharing so honestly with us today. When it comes to male factor, we know that it plays a role in about 50% of infertility cases and doesn’t get equal attention. We know that stigma can play a role. What do you think is going on around the lack of testing and understanding?
David Ireland: The 50% of male factor is really important because generally men don’t think that they have an issue. They believe it’s not them, it’s their partner or it’s their wife that have the issue, so why should they be involved on that journey? I think that’s where the issue lies fundamentally is we both have an equal part to play in terms of our fertility. I think there is a big stigma around that, to be honest, because things like shame, not knowing, the shame of we haven’t had a family yet, and then you say, “we’re not ready for a family,” but actually you can’t have a family.
You need to be true to yourself that it’s never going to be easy when you’re on that journey. There’s always the emotional side that people tend to hide, particularly around certain friends. If you’re a guy, for instance, you may be in a pub with your mates. But how many guys actually talk around their infertility? Probably very few men, whereas I think women are very comfortable sharing with their friends that, “I’m trying for a kid, but it’s not happening.” They would go, “I’ve been through IVF,” and they would go, “I didn’t know that,” and then it becomes more of an open forum where women are very comfortable sharing about their own experiences. But for men, there is a bit of a shame into I don’t want to talk about my fertility. I think partly it’s because men have egos. It’s like, “we’re big and strong, we can’t have issues,” we won’t admit that we have an issue. When actually, one in six couples globally have problems conceiving.
I think men need to start paying attention to their health, start paying attention to their partners or their wives to realize it’s not just you, it could potentially be, and they need to do more in terms of trying to get some answers for themselves.
Dr. Aimee: Obviously, it sounds like you’re incredibly close, you’re very supportive of one another on this journey. What’s the most helpful thing, from your perspective, a man can do to support his partner on this journey?
David Ireland: I think the most important thing to do is be there for one another. I think from a male’s point of view, understand your awareness of what’s happening around you and around what’s happening to your wife or your partner. You need to be there to support her. You need to find some time to support yourself. I think you need to find mechanisms that help you as an individual. If you can’t help yourself, you can’t help anybody else, fundamentally.
For instance, what we do is we meditate. Meditation is really important in terms of how we start our day. We also go to the gym, we still go to the gym with each other as well. I think providing that support, that encouragement, and doing things that kind of distract you from over-thinking too much about that. I think it kind of helps you move forward with what may not happen now, but let’s think about it in the future and what that future could look like. You may want to give your wife a massage, or go shopping together, or go on holiday together.
There’s also the emotional support as well. Knowing when she needs to vent or she needs some time on her own, potentially, as well. I think part of that is understanding who your partner is. You made a commitment to each other to be married, so part of that should be I want to be there for you no matter what happens.
Dr. Aimee: Yes. Be there. Show up. Go to the appointments. Understand what she’s going through and the medications she’s on. I love it when the male partner shows up, he’s in the office, he’s on the new patient calls, he’s joining us on video. I think that’s extremely important. When I see patients that are alone and I never meet the partner until the egg retrieval day, I feel like the experience on the patient’s side is not as good compared with the experience that she would have if her partner was showing up at each and every visit. That’s very helpful advice.
David Ireland: Absolutely. As you just said, I think about that and it kind of horrifies me to know that guys will just turn up, go to give a semen sample and then they’re gone.
Dr. Aimee: Right.
David Ireland: There’s more to it than that.
Dr. Aimee: There really is.
David Ireland: You need to be in tune with your partner.
Dr. Aimee: We’ll talk about testing a little bit, and some guys are reluctant to get testing. What kind of advice would you have for a guy who is reluctant to even do a semen analysis?
David Ireland: Again, it comes down to egos and men not thinking that they have an issue. I think they kind of acknowledge that fear to some degree and change that mindset. It’s all about mindset. I think for guys, they need to think about, “What can I do today to put myself in that right frame of mind to know I need to go and get tested? I need to go get tested earlier.” By testing earlier, you’re actually ruling out having to go through all of these procedures and spending thousands of pounds or dollars for no reason. It happens so much where you’ll go to a clinic and a lot of clinics will only just test the women and go, “Great, let’s go. You guys go and give me a load, give me a semen test, and we’re ready to go.” But I think we need to take a step back and really think about what else we are doing, how else are we supporting our partners through that.
I think there are so many different things you can do to prepare yourselves for that, and I think men need to identify themselves that they could be the person with all of the issues, and testing is so important. Having a semen test doesn’t take long to do. It’s very quick and it will give so many markers to the doctors, which will then suggest what we can do next to move forward. There are so many things that men may have that may not get diagnosed until later on, particularly if you haven’t gone through any testing.
A good example, I can relate back to myself. I had so many tests within the first couple of years, but what I didn’t realize in the first few years was that I had something called a varicocele. Sometimes I say that, and people are like, “What’s a varicocele,” and then I have to explain what a varicocele is and they’re like, “Oh my god. Would I know if I had that?” Maybe potentially, and it is quite common, so 15% of men are actually born with a varicocele. For those who don’t know what a varicocele is, basically I call it a lump of veins, usually in the left testicle, just above the left testicle, and it’s because blood pools within the testes and actually heats the testes up, and that actually kills sperm. Basically, in a nutshell, that’s what it does.
I think if men are thinking about getting tested, you need to ask the right questions. Part of that is going for semen analysis, but equally, I would also encourage men to also see a urologist because they will then do that diagnosis to start with, to see whether they have a varicocele or if there’s any other testing that they could do to help prevent a woman going through all of the unnecessary IVF treatment.
Dr. Aimee: Right. When you say it like that, I can’t imagine anyone would not want to get tested. You’re right, it’s really common and a lot of guys who have lower counts might have a varicocele. And it can be fixed if you have one.
David Ireland: Absolutely.
Dr. Aimee: So, you created the Five Day Fertility Kick-Start Challenge to help men take action. I’d love to talk about it. What kind of things do you recommend for someone who is just getting started?
David Ireland: When I created the Five Day Kick-Start Challenge, I thought about my own personal journey, what I did, what I didn’t do, and every bit of advice that I got from somebody, so we talk about nutrition, mindset, sleep. Those are some of the things I do discuss because those are important topics that all come together to play a huge part in terms of how we can help improve male reproductive health. There’s a video that they get every day. It’s a short video because us men generally have a short attention span. They’ll log on, they’ll sign up, and they’ll get a video, just a couple of minutes every day, for five days of challenge. It’s just a way of creating some habits in terms of what you can do to move forward. I’m hoping that will help men in terms of making a start, in terms of improving their reproductive health.
Dr. Aimee: Five days, doable. Five months, five weeks, not so much. I think five days is great. I think it’s a great program. I want to talk about some of the myths or misunderstandings men have about fertility. What are some of the most common ones that you’ve seen?
David Ireland: A lot of myths. “Smoking doesn’t cause any issues. My friend smoked for years and has a kid. I drink loads of alcohol, I may do drugs, I’ve still got kids.” Everybody is different. We look at our population now, and it’s declining rapidly for so many different factors. I think a lot of young people will say, “I’m young, I have 20 or 30 years, I can have a kid later on.” Well, actually, that’s not necessarily true. Equally, your partner has an egg reserve, and as women age, that decreases. Yes, guys can potentially go into their fifties and sixties even to have kids, but for women, they have a clock. I think of those myths around doing those bad habits and those lifestyles are actually quite damaging, because it sends a wrong message to everybody else to say I can do all these bad things and it’s not going to impact me at all. As I mentioned, their friends have already got kids, so hey, don’t worry about it, you can continue carrying on doing all these bad things, it makes no difference. Well, actually it does.
Things like improving your lifestyle is an important factor. When people say, “I don’t need to exercise. I need to eat well,” I totally disagree with that. It’s so important to look after your body, look after yourself, look after your health. Science tells you how important it is. I think once men and couples start acknowledging that, it’s a positive start. Sometimes things are out of your control, but if you can make those small changes to improve your fertility, I think it will be a wonderful step in the right direction.
Dr. Aimee: Absolutely. What do you wish more people understood about male fertility? Not just the science, but the emotional impact as well.
David Ireland: I think the emotional impact can be somewhat damaging to couples. I’ve seen couples go through infertility struggles and it damages their relationship, and that’s really difficult. Sometimes people will isolate themselves, which isn’t great. Some people look at it, I think there’s a shame around that.
Science is wonderful today, but the emotional impact can be quite severe. I’ve seen it where certain individuals can go down a very dark road where they do feel very isolated, particularly men, and that’s because men generally don’t speak about this. If you’re not speaking about this, then you should be finding somebody who you can confide in, preferably your partner because you are together on the journey. But don’t feel embarrassed about it. Maybe have a couple of beers first with your mates, if you are out, and that kind of warms you up to say, “Hey, guess what? I’ve got a low sperm count.” Make a joke about it as an ice breaker, because you’ll be surprised, actually.
I’ll tell you why. Even myself, I’ve spoken to men in the past and I’ve been like, “I don’t want to say anything just in case they judge me.” But when I said it, a couple of people said, “David, I’ve also struggled.” I’m like oh, wow. That surprises me, to be honest, that there are so many other men out there who are equally going through the struggle but generally don’t talk about it. The emotional impact can be quite severe if you don’t open up. I think it’s really important, particularly today, to start opening up. Women open up and talk about these things all the time, most of the time. I think they’re good role models for their husbands to just go and speak about it. You’re not supposed to drink that much, but go have a beer and talk about it because it’s going to help get it off your chest. Stress plays a big part in terms of that as well, so if you’re not talking about it or acting in a certain way to improve it, then it can be quite lonely.
Stay strong, keep going. That’s the most important message I would say.
Dr. Aimee: Just on a more personal level, when it’s male factor, sometimes in-laws can create more stress within the relationship. For example, let’s say your parents ask your wife very intrusive and invasive questions about why you don’t have kids. Sometimes the couple doesn’t feel like it’s anyone’s business that it’s really male factor. Do you have any advice around that? If you have any advice to share about your own personal situation, about extended family and questions you guys have gotten over the years.
David Ireland: It’s a good question, actually. I think generally the Silent Generation would predominantly think the wives would be at home, they’d be doing all of the cooking, and the husbands would go to work, and they’d have kids. I guess the mindset is it would just happen that way. We’re all conditioned in some way over the years throughout the generations. I think my parents did actually ask me, “When are you guys going to have kids?” They assumed we’d have kids very quickly. I didn’t feel comfortable saying that straight away to my folks because it was not just personal to me, it was also personal to my wife.
I know so many couples who haven’t told their parents that they’ve been struggling to conceive because it may look bad on the wife because then the blame comes, “Oh, your wife can’t give birth, not great.” That’s really damaging. It’s very damaging for you as a couple and it’s also very damaging for the wider family because the expectation is women should be able to have kids. Yes, fine, but not in all cases. There never seems to be the case where parents will say, “Hey son, are you the issue or could you be the issue?” It’s more, “What’s wrong with your wife?” I think that’s a really bad message to put all of it on women, to be honest, because in this day and age, it’s not just the women, it’s not just your wife, it’s you, the man.
The more this is spoken about, I think there’s a lot more parents out there who are quite supportive. My parents, as an example, are very supportive about the journey we’ve been on. Sometimes I’ll get quite emotional and talk to my mum about why it hasn’t worked. She says, “Don’t give up hope.” Sometimes she’ll say everything will be fine, don’t worry, and I think sometimes when you hear those messages from your parents, it’s actually nice that you do have support from your family. Parents shouldn’t feel ashamed, or you shouldn’t feel ashamed about sharing it with your family, because they should be there to support you equally.
I’ve had those conversations with my mum. I know other people have had those conversations and it’s not been that great. I think it’s great to involve everybody in the family in terms of the struggles that you’re going through, because it just makes them more aware. I think the more awareness is spread out there to our families, the more understanding they all have, and they’ll appreciate that the issue could be you, not just your partner.
Dr. Aimee: If they love you, they’ll support you, they’ll be there for you and they’ll show up. You just have to let them know how to show up and educate them about how to show up for you.
David Ireland: Absolutely.
Dr. Aimee: What’s your hope for the future of male fertility awareness? You’re obviously doing it, but what is your hope for the future?
David Ireland: I think early testing is going to be really key for this more than anything, actually. I also would like to see more support groups or tools for men, communities for men. I think the community thing is really important for men at the moment. Behind the scenes, apart from my Five Day Fertility Kick-Start journey, if you’re okay for me to share…
Dr. Aimee: Yes.
David Ireland: I’m actually creating, almost finished, a course. Part of that is then to be part of the wider community where men can then talk to each other and share their own experiences and the struggles they’ve gone through. I think the community thing is quite important for men to come together. I think that care, whether it’s going to see a counselor and being very open and transparent, I think that support group is going to be equally important as well.
Dr. Aimee: You’ll have to let us know when you launch it so that we can share it as well, please.
David Ireland: Thank you so much. Yes. I’m in the final stages at the moment. It’s going to be interesting because the Five Day Kick-Start Challenge is very quick, whereas the course I’ve created is a lot longer. But it’s longer for a purpose because if you’re very serious about not putting your wife through IVF and spending thousands of pounds upfront, then you would do the course first, follow the course, complete the course, and by then, you should be in a better state to try to conceive naturally before having to spend so much money on wasted IVF treatments that you may not need and you’re not putting your partner through all that unnecessary stress and emotion of going through that. Let’s hope so.
Dr. Aimee: What has your experience been like as a fertility patient going to these clinics? Is there anything that you would want those clinics to know now after all these years about what they could have done to make it better for you and your wife?
David Ireland: Wow, that’s a really good question. Being a patient going through our fertility journey, there was no focus on me whatsoever. It was all focused on my wife. All of the questions were directed at my wife. In some ways, I felt a bit left out of the conversation because I’ve already done my semen analysis test – yes, it’s good or no, it’s bad – but then they would direct it to my wife like what else can we do for the wife to make it work, as opposed to thinking what else can do for the man to make that work first.
Dr. Aimee: Right.
David Ireland: That’s one of the biggest flaws I see, even today. I think there needs to be a slight shift, and maybe it’s a mindset shift, around what we do first. I think because I’ve seen so many different consultants, I mentioned earlier that everyone has a different opinion or a different approach, but it’s not focused on let’s try to fix what we can for both of the couple first before we even start thinking about putting somebody through this process. IVF is not cheap, it’s very expensive. You generally walk away, if you haven’t been successful, with a lot of heartache. That’s not great for anybody.
There’s so much emphasis on the women, the women, the women. Yes, the women have great eggs, but I look at it as using the car analogy. The egg is like the engine of a car and the sperm is the fuel, the diesel or whatever you’re using. If that fuel isn’t good enough, the egg can only do so much to improve it. If you’re putting diesel in a petrol vehicle, it’s not going to do anything.
That, to me, is fundamental in terms of having doctors explain what they’re doing and why they’re doing it, but then equally what else can we look at before we even consider that approach. I think there’s still lots of biases out there in terms of we’re the best fertility clinic, our success rates are amazing. What do your live birth rates look like? That’s key. I still think there’s a lot more that needs to happen.
Dr. Aimee: I always say diagnosis before treatment is The Egg Whisperer way. I always want to do everything I can to fix what the problems are before treatment, so that if we end up needing treatment, we’re putting ourselves in the best position to be as successful as possible.
You could probably do a better job with that car analogy than me when it comes to diagnosis, but you don’t want to put the wrong gas in the car when you’re dealing with something that is so incredibly important, which is your future family.
David Ireland: Absolutely.
Dr. Aimee: David, I’ve really enjoyed our conversation today. Before we close, is there anything else that you’d like to add?
David Ireland: I would just like to say to couples who are still on their fertility journey, don’t give up hope. Everybody has a different story and there are so many different scenarios out there for each couple who are looking to have a family. I think be open, be honest, get advice as soon as possible, speak to people as soon as possible, get tested as soon as possible. Support your wife, because she is going through so much more as well.
I think if you do all those things together and have some hope, things will work out or you’ll get to a stage where you’re comfortable. It sounds really difficult, but you’ll get to a place of comfort where things happen for a reason. Sometimes they’re in your control, great. If they’re out of your control, you can’t do anything about it. But never give up hope is something I would say to people watching and listening today.
Dr. Aimee: Thank you for that. David, thank you for sharing your story and your heart with us. You’re bringing much needed awareness and compassion to a space that has left men out of the picture for far too long. To everyone listening, if you’re navigating fertility, don’t leave male health out of the conversation. Visit Fertility4Men.com and check out David’s Five Day Fertility Kick-Start Challenge, because fertility is a team effort that starts with being informed, supported, and seen.
