In this episode of The Egg Whisperer Show, I’m joined by the amazing Dina Kupfer, CBS 13 News anchor and advocate for normalizing conversations around fertility. Dina shares her deeply personal fertility journey, including the heartbreak of experiencing three missed miscarriages over the past three years and how it shaped her perspective on the importance of support and education. She opens up about her decision to share her story publicly, the outpouring of encouragement she received, and how it’s inspired her to help others feel less alone.
We also dive into the role mental health plays in navigating fertility challenges. Dina talks about the tools that have helped her, from therapy to meditation and staying active, and how they’ve supported her healing and resilience. Together, we explore the need for greater awareness, early intervention options, and the power of community in fertility care. Dina’s courage and openness are truly inspiring, and I’m so grateful to have her on the show.
In this episode, we cover:
- Dina Kupfer’s infertility journey and the emotional impact of multiple miscarriages.
- The importance of normalizing conversations around infertility and finding supportive systems like therapy.
- Strategies Dina uses to cope with triggers and anxiety during fertility treatments.
- The role of meditation and mental health in managing stress during fertility challenges.
- How wake surfing and other joyful activities brought Dina positivity during her pregnancy.
Resources for this episode:
Get Dr. Aimee’s Fertility Esstentials
Transcript:
You might know Dina Kupfer as a reporter and anchor on CBS 13 News and Good Day Sacramento, but today she’s joining me on the show as a fellow fertility warrior.
Dina was born in Texas and studied broadcast journalism at the University of Oregon. She is a two-time Emmy award-winner for her reporting. More recently, she has started opening up about her fertility journey.
She and her husband had been struggling to grow their family for over three years before there was a turn of events and Dina found herself successfully pregnant. After going through so much to turn their family-building dreams into reality, Dina felt that it was time for her to open up about the reality of her fertility journey.
In the post where she began sharing, Dina said that while there is nothing normal about infertility, we need to work toward normalizing the conversations about it. I couldn’t agree more, and I’m so thrilled to get to share this very special conversation with Dina.
Dr. Aimee: I am so excited to have Dina Kupfer on today’s show. Dina, welcome.
Dina Kupfer: Thank you for having me. Hi.
Dr. Aimee: We’re going to talk about normalizing the conversation around fertility. Welcome, Dina. Thank you for being here to talk to us on today’s show.
Dina Kupfer: Thank you so much for having me. It’s great to see you, Dr. Aimee.
Dr. Aimee: You’ve had quite the fertility odyssey. Odyssey sounds so mystical and wonderful in a way. Journey sounds a little bit more painful. Odyssey, I can handle that. In April, you decided to start sharing about your journey and you put up this great post titled My Fertility Journey on Instagram during National Infertility Awareness Week. What moved you to share about your journey this year?
Dina Kupfer: My husband and I have been struggling with being able to grow our family for the last three years or so. We’ll get into all of the details, I’m sure, throughout the episode here. It was actually a turn of events in our ability to finally get pregnant that I felt comfortable sharing.
I think up until then I felt a little bit nervous about things still not going well and then jinxing it if I shared too soon, or feeling like my vulnerability level was still just a little bit too raw from all of the loss and the pain that we went through that when we finally turned a corner and started to get some success in this space, I felt empowered and I wanted to make sure that I, in that headspace, was sharing what I had been through. It was still very raw and fresh, and the hard feelings are not gone by any means, but I think I felt more comfortable opening my heart to unsolicited advice and other people’s comments after that.
Dr. Aimee: Right. What was the response in the comments from other people once you started sharing?
Dina Kupfer: I opened up a lot about what my husband and I had been through. We had gone through three missed miscarriages in about two and a half years. It was a conversation that I was mentally prepared for a lot of people to give me unsolicited advice or the ‘everything happens for a reason’ conversation or the ‘maybe it wasn’t meant to be.’ That’s why I waited so long to share, by the way, because I feel like while some people think that might be a helpful thing to say, it actually was more triggering for me to hear some of those comments.
By the time I finally was able to share, I had thought a lot about all of the things that I was going to be receiving and if I was ready for that. I was very surprised and overwhelmed with the response. So many people reached out with similar journeys, some people who didn’t feel comfortable sharing their own in such a public form, but felt like they had been seen or they had been heard, or they could relate to what we had been through.
I was really surprised to hear from so many men. A lot of gentlemen reached out, partners of women who had gone through similar struggles saying that they didn’t know how best to respond or how to be there for their loved one or how to support. I think it really opened a dialogue for both the women and the men going through it, and same sex couples as well, that this is something a lot of us struggle with. It’s impossible to know what each individual person’s journey is like, but if you can relate to someone, you just don’t feel as alone in that space.
Dr. Aimee: I love that in that post you also said that there was nothing normal about infertility, but we should work toward normalizing the conversation surrounding it. I think so much of what you’re doing is definitely normalizing it. Of course, I feel like you hit the nail right on the head with that comment.
You’ve been so open about your treatment since April and have been vocal about raising awareness about what fertility patients go through since then as well. What are some of the things that you wish would be normalized within society around fertility and infertility?
Dina Kupfer: That’s such a loaded question. So much. I would say something that I wish that I knew early on. We go to the OBGYN every year as women, we’re going in for pap smears or for other things. No one in my late 20s to early 30s mentioned our window of opportunity to get pregnant. No one told me when I was going to those appointments, “You only have so much time left. Your eggs are only going to be so good for so long. Have you thought about kids?” If that conversation had come up sooner, or if there was a pamphlet, just material to take home, I think I would have had more access to information so much sooner. I can’t tell you if that would have changed our journey and when we decided to start having children, but I think I would have gone into it a little less naïve.
I also learned through my experience that the doctor, the OB’s office is there to help you once you are pregnant. They want to see you once they believe there’s a heartbeat. They want to see you every month after that when they know that you’re already successfully pregnant and well on your way to having your growing family. For me, in the missed miscarriage space, we made it to the 8 to 10 week appointment, we would show up every time and find out that there wasn’t a heartbeat. I had no symptoms of a miscarriage, we had nothing happen that would have led me to believe the pregnancies weren’t progressing as normal.
It was really challenging to be in an OB’s office and receive that news because in that moment I was told, “Go home, take care of it, and we’ll see you again when you try again.” They’re not in the position of getting you pregnant. They want to see you once you are already pregnant. I learned that the hard way.
After our third missed miscarriage, we went to talk to you. I think it was actually the day we were at the OB and discovered we were losing our third baby that I said, “I can’t emotionally go through this again. Physically, I don’t know if my body will even let me.” I turned to you and I remember feeling so much hope because you made me believe that there was a journey to getting pregnant that I could have support in. I’d never felt that before.
If I could open up the dialogue about knowing what your body is capable of at a certain age, I think we all think when you hit your 40s that means your fertility goes down. That’s not true, as you are very open about. It happens much sooner for some women. I think if I had known who to go to and which resources were available to me sooner, I have to believe maybe I wouldn’t have gone through so much heartache and so much pain. Having these conversations with you, you being so open about options for women, what they can test for, what bloodwork is available, why isn’t that more normalized? Why don’t we know more about this?
Dr. Aimee: Right. I recommend that patients work with a therapist, and I know that’s something that you’ve talked about as well. Can you just tell me about your work with a therapist and how that has played in your recovery, healing, and probably helping you have as healthy a pregnancy as possible, too?
Dina Kupfer: I think it’s important to know what your relationship is with your partner, what your relationship is with yourself, and when you need to turn to someone who is external, who is not in a position to pick favorites or sides or have any personal relationship with you or your partner.
My husband is more supportive than I can even believe, but I also felt like I needed a third party. I needed someone to tell me it was okay to feel what I was feeling and it was normal to have these ups and downs and these triggers, and there were so many of them. I was triggered at times that I didn’t even realize I would be. I would get invited to a baby shower, and while I was so happy for my friends who were expecting, it was just a reminder that it wasn’t me again. It’s like they say somebody can be a forever bridesmaid, but never a bride. I felt like I was that on the pregnancy side.
My therapist was really crucial for me before trying again and also once we had experienced loss in helping me bridge the gap of my own fears and anxieties, and then also being okay with trying again, but understanding that I would still have these moments of triggers and PTSD and I couldn’t just wipe them clean.
I will always recommend having somebody that you can talk to that is not a family member, that is not a friend, just to give you a little bit of support in a way that they’re not just saying things to make you feel better, they’re helping determine what you need in that space and at that time. That was incredibly important, and still is, for me. I will always suggest that if you have someone that you can talk to, do it.
Dr. Aimee: I imagine there still could be triggers. With the losses that you’ve had, those things can still come up, especially when you have PTSD. What do you do specifically when something comes up and you are triggered or you’re experiencing that anxiety that sometimes reminds you of PTSD, what do you do specifically?
Dina Kupfer: I will say one specific incident when we had done our IVF transfer, I was working, I was actually anchoring from home because we were in the middle of the pandemic, and I was right here still at home. At 7:00, I got up to go to the restroom, and I looked down, and there was blood everywhere. I was six weeks post-transfer. I fell to the ground and thought it’s happening again, here’s number four, we lost another one.
I remember I was devastated. There was nothing I could do to get myself out of that space. We called the doctor, we went in, and we had an ultrasound. The baby was there and the heartbeat was there. The thing about the heartbeat is I had gone to heartbeat appointments three times before and never heard one. This appointment I went to thinking there wasn’t going to be one because I thought it was another miscarriage, and there was a heartbeat. It was the most unexplained feeling to not be expecting it and then to have it happen that way. But I will say that every heartbeat appointment since then has been a trigger, and since the first time we found out we were having a miscarriage.
When I go in for my heartbeat appointments, when I know I’m going to hear the heartbeat, I actually try to do meditative practice the night before, and then I redo those breathing exercises when I’m in the room. I take a deep breath, I remind myself that just because it didn’t work before doesn’t mean it has to be the same outcome this time. I remind myself that my body is doing everything that it can and that I am supported in so many more ways this time around than I was before. But it’s hard and those triggers are still there, like you said. They don’t ever go away. I just have to learn to cope with them and cope through them.
Every time we get to another appointment and I get a little further along, it gets slightly easier, or I think my coping mechanism gets a little bit better. It’s definitely something that I’ve had to work through. I think if we choose to have another child after this, I think it will be the same thing. I just have to recognize that and know going into those appointments what I need to do.
Dr. Aimee: I think hearing the strategies that you use will be helpful for other people. You guys can learn about them and apply them to your own appointments.
The easiest thing to think about is to go to your happy place. It’s just amazing to me how many people don’t immediately have that place right there at their fingertips. Also, it’s amazing to me how few people actually know how to meditate. Even though there are so many apps out there, when I ask a room of 10 people, I’m usually the only one in the room who has ever taken a meditation class. I think just hearing you normalize these things and talking about how it’s something that has really helped you will, hopefully, get people to figure out a good meditation practice for them that they can apply when they’re going into those appointments, because everyone describes that feeling that you have.
Dina Kupfer: Just quickly, too, meditating doesn’t mean the om with sage burning and crazy candles and music. That’s a beautiful way to meditate if you have that time and space. But really, you can meditate for five minutes in the morning before you even get out of bed. All you’re doing is trying to focus on your breathing and not let your mind go a million miles a minute, because we always are. It’s amazing what you can do for yourself when you bring everything down a notch and don’t let yourself run rampant in there.
I think for anyone who hasn’t tried it, don’t have a huge goal of trying to meditate for 30 minutes. Start with small increments. That’s what I did to start. Then you can build yourself up. It’s an exercise and you have to work at it.
Dr. Aimee: You wrote a poem, Positively Negative. It’s a powerful spoken word piece that shares the devastation of losing a pregnancy, and you shared it recently for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I hear that poem, and then I also love those videos of you wakeboarding, you’re obviously an expert wakeboarder, and dancing to Waiting for Love. I just see the heartache and the joy that you embody, and I have to believe that song is certainly a very special one for you.
Dina Kupfer: It is. If you haven’t heard that song, it’s basically every day of the week saying I couldn’t do it, and then you built up to the end of the week where you said I finally was able to open my arms for love again. In the beginning, the start of the week is like my start of my pregnancy journey where I just didn’t want to open myself up to even trying again because I didn’t want to let pain in if it didn’t go right.
One thing that I’ve been really trying to practice is my mental health matters, the health of me and my baby girl is forefront, top of mind every second of every day. But after going through what we went through, I also know I need to be in a good headspace. I mentally need to be capable of waking up every day and moving forward. If it is going to be a difficult day, I need to be able to get through those moments.
So, my husband and I have been wake surfing for years. It’s not wakeboarding, it’s a little different. I’m not whipping around with the rope and going as fast. I have to clarify that because I have gotten a little bit of backlash for that. I will say that it’s something that I’ve always done. I didn’t learn a new sport when I got pregnant and decide to go try something different. It’s something that I’m very confident in.
I think as women we know our bodies and we know what we’re capable of. I think it’s important to nurture that. My husband and I plan to introduce our little girl to our lifestyle, so she better be ready for it now and I’m just giving her a little taste of what it’s like. But I have found so much joy and peace being on the water. That is a part of me that I’m going to hold onto for as long as I can.
Another little part that I’ll say is I’m so impressed with the strength of my body this far along in my pregnancy. It will be 33 weeks tomorrow, and I am not taking a second for granted. I am not going to let a moment pass me by where I don’t feel like the most lucky and grateful person in the world that we’re finally here. I also want to recognize that I need to continue to nurture my positivity so that when I get through to the labor and the postpartum, I know I’ve done some work to get there. To me, that includes moments that bring me joy and happiness and keep my energy high, and that’s my wake surfing.
Dr. Aimee: I love it. It’s kind of like preparing for a marathon and all the strategies you use throughout the marathon so that you can get to that last 0.2 miles once you hit the 26th mile. You have the mental game, you have the physical game, you have all the things that you’re going to visualize, your bracelets and all those things that are going to get you through that final mile. I love that you’re sharing all of this with us.
Is there anything else that you want to leave us with today?
Dina Kupfer: I would just say when I opened up about my journey, and if anyone goes back and looks, the way that I announced my pregnancy on my station, I was so excited to share that we were pregnant, but I also did it with a lot of hesitation and reservation because I know there are so many people who haven’t gotten to this part of their journey yet. I recognize that we are in a very big unfortunate group of people who are going through infertility struggles.
If that’s you, if that’s somebody watching, and you are still waiting to grow your family, you’re still waiting to complete your family, just know that there is support. There are people out there who want to see you succeed. If you have it in you to continue to try, there are so many ways to grow your family. It might not look like what you envisioned. It might not be the way you thought it would be. It might take a lot longer than you had hoped.
If your end goal is to have a bigger family, then I encourage you to keep going and to seek the help, the advice, and the resources, especially with people like Dr. Aimee. There are so many ways out there. My heart is with everyone who is still working at it. I know that it’s a challenging road, but I just feel like this is the most worth it I’ve ever experienced in my life. I can’t wait to meet our little girl in December or November.
Dr. Aimee: We’re so excited for you. I love following you on Instagram, I love all of your posts, they just make me so happy and they make me smile. They just make me that much more excited to wake up each day and help people just like you who have gone through loss. Your story shows that even after three losses, you can still have a healthy pregnancy.
Dina Kupfer: With your positivity, Dr. Aimee, you helped me pass that threshold of being devastated and feeling like there was no hope to finally feeling like there could be light at the end of the tunnel. It took me finding you to feel that. I just hope everyone out there finds their Dr. Aimee, to have someone in their corner that helps them bridge that gap. It’s possible. You just have to find the right resources and the right support system.
Dr. Aimee: If you’re listening right now and not watching, I have tears in my eyes. Thank you, Dina. Love you. Thank you so much for sharing everything with us today.
