In this episode of the Egg Whisper Show, I’m joined by Danielle Melfi, CEO of RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association, the leading nonprofit dedicated to supporting, educating, and advocating for the one in six people impacted by infertility.
Danielle shares her own personal journey to freeze her egg that began when the Alabama Supreme Court decision temporarily paused IVF in that state, and how that experience led her to the helm of one of the most important organizations in the fertility space.
Together, we’re talking about what it means to navigate infertility: not just the medical and financial challenges, but the emotional weight that often comes with the journey.
Danielle shares about the power of community, the importance of evidence-based information in a world full of fertility misinformation, and how RESOLVE is fighting every day to make family building accessible to everyone, regardless of their zip code or insurance plan.
In this episode, we cover:
- Danielle’s personal journey to egg freezing and what inspired her to join RESOLVE as the CEO
- How RESOLVE’s three pillars (support, education, and advocacy) serve patients at every stage of the fertility journey
- The largest free peer-led support group network in the country and how to find a group that fits your needs (including groups for recurrent pregnancy loss, surrogacy, secondary infertility, and Spanish speakers)
- The financial and emotional barriers patients face, and what you should know about your state’s fertility insurance mandates
- How to get involved in grassroots advocacy, from sharing your story with loved ones to speaking with your employer or state legislators
- Why emotional support should start at the very beginning of your fertility journey, not only after a failed cycle
- The first steps to take when you’re just starting out and feeling overwhelmed
Resources:
- RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association: resolve.org
- RESOLVE on Instagram: @resolveorg
- RESOLVE Month of Action (May): resolve.org/month-of-action
- California Fertility Insurance Mandate — https://resolve.org/learn/financial-resources/insurance-coverage/understanding-californias-ivf-insurance-law/
Dr. Aimee: If you’re on a fertility journey, I want you to know that there is always hope and there is always a path forward. Today’s episode is called You’re Not Alone: How to Navigate Infertility with Support, Advocacy, and Real Options.
What if one of the hardest parts of infertility isn’t just the diagnosis, but feeling like you have to figure it out all by yourself? Today we’re changing that. I’m so excited to welcome my special guest, Danielle Melfi, the CEO of RESOLVE, the National Infertility and Family Building Association. RESOLVE has been a cornerstone in the infertility community, empowering people with trusted information, community support, and advocacy efforts that help make family building accessible to more people. In this conversation, we’ll talk about Danielle’s personal connection to this work, how RESOLVE supports patients at every stage, and what you need to know about your options so you can move forward with clarity and confidence.
Danielle, welcome to today’s show.
Danielle Melfi: Thank you so much for having me today. I’m excited to be here.
Dr. Aimee: Me too. I’d love to start with your origin story. What led you to this work and how did your journey bring you to RESOLVE?
Danielle Melfi: Like for so many people who are in this community, my road to RESOLVE was personal. I remember when the Alabama Supreme Court decision came down that temporarily paused IVF in the state of Alabama. For me, I was single at the time, I knew I wanted to have a family, and I got really motivated to freeze my eggs and make that decision because I didn’t want any politician to be able to tell me if I could or could not build my own biological family. At the time, I was the Chief People Officer at the White House, and I was like okay, we have to get to work, we have to find your clinic, you have to learn what the heck egg freezing is and what does it mean, how long does it take and how much does it cost.
My own journey going through that really opened up the door of my fertility feeling like this black box, like this information that I didn’t have. I was taught all the ways how to not get pregnant, but had very little information about how to build a family when the time was right for me. That brought me on the long journey to RESOLVE and to learn more about this organization’s work and how we can help more people have more support about their family building journey.
Dr. Aimee: Wow. It’s pretty remarkable that we have someone like you as the leader of RESOLVE with that kind of background. Infertility work is often deeply personal, and you’ve shared some of that with us. Can you share what makes this mission meaningful to you on a human level?
Danielle Melfi: There’s nothing more personal than building your family, whatever that looks like and whatever road that looks like. For me, my journey, as I shared, started with my own egg freezing journey. But now, as I’ve been at RESOLVE and have learned more about this work and this community, one in six people are impacted by infertility or face some challenge in building their family. That means everyone knows someone who is on that journey. How we can show up as humans, as individual people, but collectively as a RESOLVE community, is one of the most beautiful things you could possibly be a part of.
Dr. Aimee: I think most infertility patients know about RESOLVE, but I think for some, this might be the first time that they’re actually hearing about RESOLVE. How would you describe what your organization does and why it matters so much right now?
Danielle Melfi: RESOLVE is a nonprofit that has been around for 50 years. It started as a support group, so a table of women having a conversation about the challenges that they were navigating on their fertility journey. Over the past 50 years, RESOLVE’s mission has expanded. We still continue to provide support. We offer the largest network of free peer-led support groups across the country. We also provide education, evidence-based information, so people can digest at their own pace and figure out what their options are and what’s out there for them. Lastly, advocacy. As RESOLVE’s work continued, we knew there are more people who need access to fertility care that don’t have access to it right now. How do we expand access? By expanding insurance coverage and by helping people advocate with their employers.
While we are a patient advocacy organization, the thing that’s most important for someone to take away from this conversation is we’re here for you. We are here for you on your journey. We’re folks who have been there and want to be there to help you and guide you in whatever way you need as you navigate infertility or go through your journey to build your family.
Dr. Aimee: There’s so much noise online when it comes to fertility, I hear from my patients when they read stuff on Reddit and Facebook groups. How does RESOLVE help people find the most accurate and trustworthy information they can actually rely on?
Danielle Melfi: Access to information is both an incredible blessing and a curse at the same time. Patients can be so much more empowered to show up to their doctor’s office, to have some options, and to know what questions to ask, but oftentimes, a lot of the information that’s out there isn’t based in evidence, isn’t based in science. What RESOLVE does is we work with a community of experts, we have doctors and reproductive endocrinologists who are on our physician’s council, we have psychologists that we work with, and our job is to monitor what’s happening. Like, hey, here’s this latest scientific study that was shared in a major news network, is that actually something that can affect your treatment now or has it even gone through a clinical trial and you shouldn’t even think about this yet? Our job is to sift through the noise, but break it down in a way that is accessible and understandable to someone who is trying to understand what it actually means for them. We do that through our social media channels and through different partnerships, so really encourage folks to follow @RESOLVEorg on Instagram or other channels so you can get some of that information. Also, ask us what it is that you need so that we can answer that question for you.
Dr. Aimee: You mentioned how RESOLVE offers the largest network of free support groups in this country. What kinds of community support does RESOLVE offer and how can people start to feel less alone in their journey, where can they access these support groups?
Danielle Melfi: The thing we hear from patients and we know from our community is there are two big barriers on the list of many that folks face when they’re trying to build their family. The first is financial. The second is emotional.
For RESOLVE, our community of peer-led support groups are led by folks who have been there, people who have been on their own journey and now are choosing to pay it forward by creating a shared space of community, a safe space where people can show up as they are, ask the tough questions, and be there with each other. We have a wide range of groups available. Some are in person, some are virtual, and many are community specific. For example, recurrent pregnancy loss, or folks that are on a surrogacy journey, or folks who are navigating secondary infertility. We also have groups for Spanish speakers.
If you are seeking a group, you can visit RESOLVE.org and look up all of our support groups to see if there’s one that can meet your needs. If there isn’t one there yet, you can also create one and we can support you in building that as well.
Dr. Aimee: That’s super. I didn’t know that about the specific groups for surrogacy and the Spanish-speaking as well. That’s really good information.
What about the advocacy aspect of what RESOLVE does? I have so many patients that are just so grateful that they’re on their new journey of pregnancy and they just want to give back, they’re just so fired up about everything they’ve learned on their journey. But being an advocate can be intimidating for those who want to get involved. What does grassroots advocacy look like in the fertility space and how can people listening to us right now get involved in a way that feels approachable?
Danielle Melfi: Advocacy can feel scary. What we’re here to remind folks is it’s not, and we’re there to support you every step of the way. Advocacy is just as simple as sharing your story in whatever way is comfortable for you. Whether that’s having an open conversation with friends and family members who you haven’t told yet, because that might open the conversation for someone else to share their own personal journey. Advocacy looks like telling your story online. It could look like sharing an op ed in your local newspaper or a local magazine. It could look like the traditional sense of advocacy, which is talking to your members of Congress, talking to your state legislators, or talking to your employer. The asks in those conversations are fertility care is healthcare and we want fertility treatment to be covered like every other form of healthcare that is available. How do we tell those stories to lawmakers, tell those personal stories? Also, tell your employers, “We should demand insurance coverage to make sure this healthcare, this fertility treatment, is truly accessible so everyone can build the family that they dream of.”
Dr. Aimee: That would be my dream. Not just that, but it would just be free for everybody.
Danielle Melfi: 100%.
Dr. Aimee: No matter how you feel about Elon Musk, I’m like wouldn’t it be amazing if he just said to all of the fertility clinics, “I will fund as many cycles as you can do, as long as you can do them, to help as many people grow families,” because we know what’s happening to the birth rate right now, and if we don’t act fast, things are going to change dramatically in our society, and they already are.
Danielle Melfi: I think we just saw this incredible journey of people going to the Moon. If we can go to the Moon, we can figure out how to make fertility care accessible for everyone who needs it.
Dr. Aimee: Amen to that. A big part of your mission is family building options and making them more accessible to everyone. Can you share with us some of the barriers people face today and what should patients know about their options when they’re facing those barriers?
Danielle Melfi: Right now, in the United States, if you’re one of the one in six Americans who is impacted by infertility, your ability to build a family is often fully determined by what insurance coverage you have, what state you live in, or what out-of-pocket expenses you can afford. That’s unacceptable. Family building is a human right and it should be accessible to everyone.
One of the big things we hear time and time again from patients and from this community is the out-of-pocket cost of fertility treatment. A big thing that folks should know and take advantage of is what is your state mandate, what are the rules in your state that govern fertility treatment. Dr. Aimee, you’re in California. California just passed a fertility insurance mandate this year, making treatment more accessible for some employers and some insurance types. We want that to be accessible for everyone everywhere. If you’re wondering what insurance looks like in your state, please visit RESOLVE.org and we have that all mapped out for you. Also, sign up to join us if it’s not available in your state yet, because we want to be fighting in those state legislatures to expand access to insurance coverage.
Dr. Aimee: I’ve actually had patients move to a state that offers coverage so that they can build their family, and then they move back. I know that sounds extreme, but my patients will do anything to have a baby. They tell me, “If you tell me to stand on my head, I’ll do that.” I’ve had patients move to another state for a period of time just so that they can afford the family that they long for.
Danielle Melfi: Moving to another state, we also hear stories of people taking out second mortgages on their homes, taking second jobs if that second job might offer fertility benefits or might give them some extra money in their pockets so they can afford groceries, their mortgage, and fertility treatment. People are making extraordinary sacrifices to be able to build a family. It’s our job to remove all of those barriers to care so everyone can access the treatment they need.
Dr. Aimee: It breaks my heart. I’ve had patients work one job and then leave that job to go work as an Amazon delivery driver for the second part of their day just because Amazon offers benefits.
Danielle Melfi: That’s exactly right.
Dr. Aimee: It shouldn’t be like that.
Danielle Melfi: I 100% agree.
Dr. Aimee: What about the emotional challenges people face, what can help them stay resilient as they’re on this journey?
Danielle Melfi: We know that while financial barriers may be the number one barrier folks face, the second barrier is that emotional one. We know the data that an infertility diagnosis can be just as stressful as a cancer diagnosis, because it impacts everything. We know the shame that could come along with an infertility diagnosis, the stigma, the feeling that you’re alone. That’s the biggest thing we say to folks who find us; first, you’re not alone.
We are here for you as a RESOLVE community, our support groups are here for you as a RESOLVE community, but many times there’s often someone in your own community who if you feel comfortable at some point sharing, sharing that story is really powerful because it opens up the conversation for other people in your life who may not have been comfortable sharing as well. We know peer support is really meaningful. For folks who are on a similar journey, people who have been there. Of course, professional support. If you can, find a mental health professional to support you on your journey, both for you and for your partner because family building is a team sport and you want to make sure your full family unit, whatever that looks like, if you’re a single person, if you’re part of a couple, that you have access to the support you need on that journey.
Dr. Aimee: I want everyone to have the support at the start of the journey. You probably hear and see this, too. It’s when people start facing those failed transfers or failed IVF cycles, then they start looking for support. But I feel like the support should start early on as a first step so that you’re not burning out. Still, of course, it’s depressing, but you’ll have better coping skills and you’ll have peers to lean on as you’re going through really hard times.
Danielle Melfi: I think that’s something that we are so passionate about is how do you have emotional support early on in your journey, but how do you have the information early on in your journey. Before you’re even starting your journey of building a family, how are we teaching people that one in six people face infertility, or if you’re an LGBTQ couple, you will need ART or some form of IVF or other treatment to be able to build a biological family, how do we help people with that information earlier so you can save, so you think about what jobs you take, you think about what state you live in, and you get that emotional support early?
Exactly how you said, it helps build resiliency, community matters so much. It will not erase the hardships that often come on a heartbreaking infertility journey, but having that community matters and makes a difference.
Dr. Aimee: I know people that joined a RESOLVE support group 13 years ago, and they’re still close friends with everyone in that group, they get together at times and they’re just really close because they went through something so hard, they had that shared experience. Those bonds can be lifelong for some folks.
Danielle Melfi: That’s what everyone says, infertility is the worst club to be a part of, but has the best members.
Dr. Aimee: That’s true.
Danielle Melfi: It is people who lean on each other and who show up for each other in sometimes the darkest chapter of your life.
Dr. Aimee: A lot of my patients actually become my dear friends because they become like family to me.
Danielle Melfi: 100%.
Dr. Aimee: If someone is just starting their fertility journey and they feel overwhelmed, what are the first steps you’d recommend that they take?
Danielle Melfi: First and foremost, I’d recommend them identifying who are their close community, their support in their personal life that they can reach out to. Whether it’s a partner, a family member, a friend, figuring out who those life rafts are for you so you can lean on them, and also so they know that you will need their help. That would be step one, reach out to your own community.
Second, reach out to the broader RESOLVE community. We are here for you. You don’t have to do this alone, whatever kind of support or journey you may need or you may want.
The last one, I’d say, is consulting with your doctor and seeking evidence-based information. As we shared earlier, there is so much information and resources available, almost to the point of it being overwhelming. What’s important, especially as we know the time components that are involved in fertility and family building, the earlier you have a conversation with a specialist, the earlier you will have a sense of your options so you can navigate from there.
Dr. Aimee: I love that analogy of the life rafts. That’s a great one. Where can listeners go to learn more about RESOLVE, access resources, and connect with your community?
Danielle Melfi: Please visit RESOLVE.org or visit us on Instagram, follow us @RESOLVEorg, and join us. If you’re new to advocacy and interested in getting involved and just learning a little bit more before you jump all the way in, RESOLVE will be hosting a Month of Action in the month of May, where you’ll get access to training and resources so you can decide what advocacy looks like for you. If you visit RESOLVE.org/month-of-action, you can sign up to learn more.
Dr. Aimee: My birthday every year, the last week of April, is Infertility Awareness Week.
Danielle Melfi: Amazing.
Dr. Aimee: I think that you guys chose that week for a reason, because it’s my birthday.
Danielle Melfi: Exactly.
Dr. Aimee: Danielle, thank you so much for being here and for the incredible work that you’re doing to support the fertility community. Is there anything else that you want to add?
Danielle Melfi: Just a reminder that no one is alone on this journey. There are folks here to be your life raft, whether it’s RESOLVE, whether it’s Dr. Aimee, whether it’s professionals, or whether it’s your friends and loved ones. We are here for you, too, so don’t hesitate to reach out if you need us.
Dr. Aimee: Thank you so much. To everyone listening, I’ll have links to everything Danielle talked about today in the show notes, so be sure to check those out. Don’t forget to subscribe to The Egg Whisperer Show on YouTube and Spotify so you never miss an episode. Wherever you are in your journey, keep going, keep believing, and keep sparkling.
