I’m diving into a topic that’s close to every fertility patient’s heart: the challenges of IVF and how to reframe them. IVF can feel like a rollercoaster: exciting, nerve-wracking, and sometimes downright frustrating. I like to joke that IVF can stand for “Is Very F’d up,” but it can also mean “Is Very Full of Possibility.”
I’ll walk you through the five most common IVF setbacks I see, and how you can reframe them to stay empowered. Whether your cycle gets delayed due to hormones or cysts, your follicles don’t grow as expected, or your embryo development doesn’t go according to plan, I want you to know this: knowledge is power, and you are not alone.
In this episode, I cover:
- What to do when your IVF cycle is delayed due to hormone levels or cysts
- How to navigate slow or unexpected follicle growth
- Reframing disappointment after an egg retrieval with fewer eggs than expected
- Understanding fertilization results and how to advocate for sperm and embryo care
- The emotional toll of waiting for blast development and genetic testing, and how to prepare for it
- The importance of mental health, support systems, and self-care through the IVF process
- Why it’s important to know your diagnosis, stats, and goals from the start
- How the IVF Pyramid can help set realistic expectations
Resources:
Find Dr. Aimee’s Fertility Essentials & Supplements
Interview with Dr. Max Ezzati about The IVF Pyramid
The Four Things IVF Will Teach You video
Transcript:
Welcome back to The Egg Whisper Show. I’m Dr. Aimee, and today we’re breaking down the setbacks you might encounter during an IVF cycle, and how to reframe them so you stay hopeful and empowered. Let’s get started.
IVF is very fun, fabulous, and full of hope. I imagine you’re surprised to hear me say that. I think of IVF also as “Is Very F’ed up.” Sometimes, “Isn’t Very Fun.” Fair enough. “Is Very Frustrating.” Yep. I hear you.
But also: “Is Very Fortunate” for those who need it. “Is Very Forward-thinking.” Hello? Science. “Is Very Full of possibility.” Yes.
Really, why is it that men get to put sperm in a cup? But women, we inject ourselves with hormones, we get anesthesia, we have a surgical procedure with a needle.
I pray for the day when a woman won’t have to go through all of this just to retrieve eggs.
How come women just can’t ejaculate eggs? Well, that’s called biology, but the reality is, I believe we’ll continue advancing reproductive medicine until this process is easier, gentler, and maybe even needle free. And if I have anything to do with it, that day is coming.
But now let’s talk about the journey. It’s not always a smooth one, and it helps to be prepared.
I don’t want IVF to steal your joy. Let’s take a look at five things that can feel like setbacks, and five ways to reframe them so you stay hopeful and empowered.
I have another episode that shares the things that IVF can teach you, and I do fully believe that while sometimes IVF cycles don’t go just as planned or hoped, every cycle lets us take a look at what’s going on and gives us more data and information to learn from.
Let’s walk through a few of the setbacks I’ve seen and the learnings my patients have gleaned from them.
Number one: you’re all ready to start your medications and you go in for that first baseline ultrasound and blood test, and you find out that either there’s a cyst, or your hormone levels are off.
A short delay now can set you up for better success later. Your doctor will tweak the plans so you’re in the best position possible.
If you’re at this point, it’s an opportunity to go back and make sure that you’ve done all the tests that I share with you in The TUSHY Method.
Take a break, look at everything. Make sure that you’ve left no stone unturned.
The second setback: you start medications and your follicles don’t grow as expected. First, it’s important to understand the IVF Pyramid. Some of what you’re seeing may be normal and part of the normal IVF attrition, but sometimes it can be unexpected.
When you start off with a certain number of follicles, not every follicle will grow, and it’s important to understand that. And when you start off with a certain number of follicles, typically more eggs don’t grow.
Every cycle is a learning experience. Your doctor can adjust medications to better support follicle growth next time. It’s a process, and not a one-time shot.
The third setback is that you go through an egg retrieval and the number of eggs retrieved isn’t what you had hoped for.
So remember, it’s not just about numbers, it’s also about quality. One good egg can change everything and your doctor will help make the most of what you have.
I can tell you countless stories of patients who’ve gone through IVF with me, where we were expecting, let’s say, five eggs, and we got three and we were still successful.
The fourth setback is that you wait for fertilization results, and the numbers also just don’t go your way.
Typically, the fertilization rate is approximately 80%, and we also know that if the numbers from your embryo testing are seeming off, make sure to and talk to your doctor and the genetic counselor. And, this is also a time to ask your doctor more questions. Ask if they should adjust the protocol, look at the sperm quality, see if they should add something like microfluidic sperm sorting with Zymot, and ask if there are other options to improve your odds.
The fifth setback is you wait for blastocyst development, genetic testing, and all the unknowns in between. The waiting is hard, but focus on what’s in your control, taking care of yourself, staying informed and leaning on your support system.
You are not alone in this, so if you find out that you don’t have as many blasts–or any blasts–or results that go your way, this zone of unknowns and the mental and emotional drain it can cause is why I always have patients set up their own fertility TEAM.
Talking to a therapist, eating healthy, exercising, considering acupuncture, and practicing mindfulness and meditation is really important because these kinds of setbacks can be devastating. They can make us spiral, and it’s important to do all of this before you need it, as it does set you up for mental success during your IVF process and through it all. Life keeps moving. Work, home, relationships, responsibilities. It doesn’t stop. IVF can be an emotional rollercoaster and let’s be real, the hormones don’t help.
Your mood may be spicier than a jalapeno, and that’s okay, because I always tell people, spice never killed anybody. Just drink a glass of water.
But here’s the thing, yes, there are challenges, but you don’t have to put your whole life on hold. Coffee, alcohol, if that’s something that you drink, in moderation. Exercise. And yes, even sex can still be a part of your life. But always check with your own personal physician.
The key? Go in with knowledge, realistic and practical expectations, and a plan for coping with whatever results come your way. If you know what to expect and what the possible setbacks are, you’re gonna be well-informed and empowered on your IVF journey.
If you know ahead of time that 10 follicles don’t automatically mean 10 embryos, you’ll be prepared. If you understand that not every IVF cycle will always result in a baby, you’ll navigate the process with more resilience.
Of course, sometimes I’m really cheeky. I know how serious this process is. At the end of the day, knowledge is power.
Talk to your doctor. Know your IVF pyramid. Understand your stats, your diagnosis, your goals, and what’s possible for you.
IVF isn’t just hard, it’s also hopeful. It’s a path that for many leads to the greatest joy of all. Now go bring that embryo home.
IVF can test your patience, emotions and resilience, but it can also be an incredible journey filled with learning, growth, and hope no matter where you are in the process.
Remember that knowledge is power, and having the right mindset can make all the difference.
If you found today’s episode helpful, be sure to subscribe to my YouTube channel for more insights, and visit draimee.org for even more resources to support your fertility journey. Take one of my classes.
You’ve got this, and I’m here to help every step of the way.
